Experiencing the NOW!

On September 1, 2012 my husband & I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. As we came close to approaching the date it seemed like every obstacle was thrown our way ... to say that the 2 weeks before September 1st weren't difficult would be a lie. It seems like when there is reason to celebrate, life will try to throw every curveball at you. As we were going through this time I was reminded of how many people never make it to year 16. So what makes us any different? Why is it that some make it while others do not? There may be many reasons, but I was reminded of a few over our anniversary weekend.

On our special day we had the opportunity & the privilage to have dinner with a few close friends. We celebrated eachother, laughed, told stories & just enjoyed eachothers company. It was one of those situations where you experience people breathing life into each other. These 3 couples are individuals that have been there for Ray & I ... they have supported us, loved us & asked us tough questions at times, but I think one of the greatest gifts they have given us is that they are really there for our marriage. They aren't there to take my side or to take Ray's side ... they aren't against one or the other, but they are FOR us as a couple ... So often in life we end up surrounding ourselves with people that make us feel good. If someone tells us something we don't like, we are often so quick to think they are unsupportive & we turn our backs & cut off the relationship. I'd like to think that at this stage of my life I care less about my feelings being hurt by the truth & rather have people in my life that will chose to be honest with me. Life is too short to have to be right ... life is too short to only have people in our lives that tell us what we want to hear. A text in the Bible come to mind that says a wise man has many counselors.


The following day Ray had a surprise for me. In my life I tend to be the type of person whose head is in a million places at once. I always have a list of things going in my mind of things to do or schedules to meet. I am often, well lets be honest, always worried or stressed about one thing or another ... about what has happened or about what I think could happen. Living my life in this way ends up stealing the joy out of many little moments that I could have had each day. So back to my suprise ... have you ever been suprised with something that you are also afraid of? ...My surprise was the opportunity to go bungee jumping. Now, it's something that has crossed my mind to do ... but to actually do it? I don't know that I thought I ever would. I had no idea of what was about to take place as I woke up that morning! I had no idea of it while I ate my breakfast or even as the family got in the car & started driving. As we drove I eventually figured out the general area that we must be heading ... & a few ideas crossed my mind ... remember I always have stuff going through my mind! ... I thought that maybe we were going zip lining ... or maybe to Whistler for the day. As we got closer I started to see the sign;s that said "Whistler Bungee." It crossed my mind when I saw it, but I quickly pushed it out. We passed the exit & I breathed a sigh of relief ... unitl Ray looks at me & says ... "You'll know where we are going now." as he pulls a u-turn. Instantly I am questioning & not believing the fact that this is what he has planned for us ... Oh wait! Did I say "US?" ... I meant me!


We pulled in just as someone was jumping ... I was excited & a bit nervous ... but still calm! Infact I was beginging to be concerned that I was too calm & wondered why I wasn't more nervous? ... We got up to the top as we saw several others jump ... screaming all the way down. I was given opportunity to not do it ... but really I am not usually one to back down from a perceived challenge! So, we go to pay the fee & the girl says "ok, you'll be number 13!" ... really? Now I am not superstitous  ... but 13 really?

I got harnessed up & stood & waited with the kids & Ray, while more people jumped. They kids couldn't believe I was going to do this & I think Ray even questioned a time or two if I would actually take the leap.

It was fianlly my turn ... I took the step out on the ledge ... Still surprisingly calm. Then the guys tells me to put my toes to the edge. Ok, now my heart beat quickend & I felt me hands squeeze tighter to the rails. The next thing I knew I was being given this instruction & that, told to look over to the camera & smile, look at my family & waive & then told to jump out & belly flop! Belly Flop? Really??? ... The count down began & I jumped ... without hesitation ... the free fall ... I screamed ... I can't lie! It was scary & exciting & freeing all wrapped up into a few seconds!

So what does this have to do with my Anniversary? ... well I learned a few things ... I learned that in that space of time ... I was not worried about yesterday's pain or tomorrow's perceived challanges. I wasn't concerned about what to make for dinner, or the fact that my house needed to be cleaned, what bill needed to be paid or even about what the furture holds with my MS & my health. All I was doing was being present in the current moment & expereincing the NOW! It was a refreshing place to be & a reminder to me how important it is to spend more time in that place. It is important to me, my health, my marriage, my children, my friendships ... because not living in that place impacts every relationship I have, including my relationship with myself.

As I reflect on our anniversary weekend I am greatful for those couples in our lives that speak into us & breath into us ... & I am reminded at how important it is for JUST BE & allow myself the gift of experiencing the now. I believe that if more people did this & had these kinds of relationships more marriages would succeed & more families would be held together with God's help.

I am blessed to have these people in my life & to have had the reminder of how important experiencing NOW is. I am grateful!

Character, Commitment, Change ~ C3 ~ What does it really mean?

I have been feeling the need to write for a while & just have not taken the time to do it. I have had several things mulling around in my mind as I usually do & I have pondered if I should write or not, do I put myself out there or not? One thing I have learned is that ALL people judge ... we all hate it, yet we all do it, everyday. So who cares, I will chose to put myself out there ... what do I have to loose, right?

Several years back ... maybe even close to 8 years ago now we had a New Years party at our house. A lot of people came & a lot of fun was had. It was at that party that my husband shared a concept to which we ended up adopting into our family & business. The concept of C3 - Character, Commitment & Change. If we chose to live our lives with thes 3 things as a compass we will end up in a better place, people around us will be positively affected & most of all we will be able to stand before God one day & hear the words "Well Done."

We have adpoted this as our family motto ... if you were to ask any of our kids they would be able to tell you exactly what it means. I wear a chain around my neck every day that has this on it. I have had it on my liscence plate on my car ... from the outside it would be easy to say & to expalin to anyone I meet. The big question is ... What about the inside??? Do I live these things in my life every day as I deal with my husband, my marriage, my children, my friends, my work, the things I chose to fill my mind with , how I choose to spend my time, the people I meet?

The last several years have been a true test of all these things for me. Why is it that as soon as you put something out there you get attacked from all sides? ... challenged to the core of your being? I have failed so many times at truely living these things out in my life. They say that it is in the struggles of life  that true character is built  ... I keep thinking that I am going to have one hell of a character in the end.(LOL!) Over the last 3 months I have decided that I would dedicate myself to focus on me for the next 12 months ...  to stop trying to change anyone else & to focus my energy on taking care of myself & become the best me I can be. It may sound selfish, but I can assure it is not. Of course as soon as you make a decision like that it is then the difficulty begins  & life hits you from all sides. Your true limits are tested. Difficult people & relationships test you, marriage struggles, kids, financial situations, health, time & the list goes on ... it comes from everywhere.

What I have realized is that over time I have allowed these situations to steal my joy, to suck the life out of me, to depress me & opress me ... That is why I have chosen this year to discover these things again. Every day it is a struggle to keep the right focus & perspective, but over time I am seeing small changes, movement forward & that in & of itself is a positive. Perspective really is everything ... In the end only I can create the life I want for myself. Only I can choose to be happy ... after all it is a choice. When life knocks me down will I chose to get back up & fight or will I allow the struggle to keep my down? I don't want to live fake ... I want to be real & alive & feel! So I chose to live my life with C3 ... Character - who I am when no one is watching. Do the decisions I make & where & how I spend my time reflect the character I want to have & who I say I am? Commitment - Am I commited to the areas in my life that I say are most important to me - my marriage, my family, my health, my God, to discovering my passions & purpose? If people are to look from the outside would they be able to say that I am a committed person to these things? Change - do I embrace change in my life or do I run when things get tough? Do I want to change everyone else but myself? What areas in my life have I committed to changing & are the results visible? Not just talk, but actual results? These are the things I am chosing to focus on ... & with Gods help I will acheive.

Beacuse I want different in my life I am chosing each day to step out on faith, letting go of the past hurts & faliures, not letting fear hold me back any longer, but chosing trust & forgiveness, love, gratitude, acceptance & life. It is a scary journey, but more freeing then I could ever have imagined. It is to that end I choose for different, for better ... for my best! I'm jumping out of the palne in life & chosing to live regardless of life's circumstances. Life will never be perfect, just as I will never be perfect ... but it can be imperfectly perfect for me & that is what I choose! I choose C3.

Embracing Imperfection ...

Chosing To Live With Purpose & Passion!

For the past 5 days I was blessed to be in the sun & warmth of Scottsdale AZ! It was 5 days of inspiration, growth and the building of friendships both old & new! As I have talked about in my previous blogs ... I have been on a wellness journey over the past several years & it was my privilege to be able to be in a room with 500 people, of all walks of life, who are on this same journey. The stories were amazing & inspirational.

Years ago I heard someone say that it is in our moments of weakness that we connect with others. There is something powerful to know that others understand what it feels like to be sick & not have their health ... then to find wellness again is AMAZING! Every time I hear another story I am moved to tears, because I know what they are experiencing. I think it is only something that you can really understand if you have been through it. To hear stories of children giving thanks because they have been given back their father, or mothers who no longer have to be bed ridden living life from the couch ... they are walking, talking, breathing miracles. Women who have been hiding for years because of skin diseases that cover their face and no longer have a scar! ... These stories lift me up & make me realize I have no excuse not to live MY BEST life! After all I am living ... so why not live? ...

There is no excuse to not live with purpose, passion & movement forward in life. We are our own worst enemy ... we limit ourselves by our own insecurities & fears! Why not step out of the box & see what life has to offer, who we can help? Why focus on all the things in life that aren't working or going right for us? ...That is an all about me mentality! Why not look at the positives & live in that place ... it's a happier place to be, a better use of our energies! There is always going to be things that aren't good or right in our world ... so do we live with that as our focus? What a sad world it would be if everyone chose to stay in that place ... we wouldn't have stories that movies are made of ... of champions & winners stepping out & making different choices, not accepting their circumstances but, pushing on forward toward the goal that they have for themselves. It is those stories that inspire us ... yet so often we chose to sit & do nothing!

I hope you embrace the life you are living with the stories & experiences that are what make you who you are & CHOOSE to live your best life possible with purpose & passion!

Because one person chose to live his best life possible with passion & purpose ... my life has forever been changed ... & so have many others! ... I can't imagine what my life would be like today had he not made that choice!

I was inspired as I watched this video ... I hope you are too!

What Is Wellness???

I recently read that wellness is a process of ongoing growth & development ... that begins in the mind. The statement really got me thinking and asking myself a lot of questions! Since I was diagnoised with MS I guess you could say that I have been on a health journey ... a journey to find wellness. In many ways I feel as though I have found this wellness that I have been seeking, after all I physically feel better then I have in years! Do I have a disease? Yes ... most days however, my reality is that I FEEL pretty good, in fact many days I FEEL pretty great physically! ...

Is wellness more then just physical health? What do I REALLY think about wellness??? Do my actions allign with my thoughts/beliefs? Does what I "think" or "know" to be true agree with how I live? How I go thru my day ... Does it agree with what I make a prioity in my life? Do I band aid my wellness just enough so that I don't have to make the tough choices or, God for bid, CHANGE? Do I make myself just comfortable enough so that I can "lie" to myself & make myself belive that I have done enough or that there is nothing more that I can do?

To me WELLNESS is more then just physical health ... it is health in ALL areas of life ... physical, emotional, financial & spiritual. So, how do I measure up? What are my real answers to those questions? ... I realize it's not about perfection ... after all the statements says that is a process of ongoing growth.

The thing I am learning about myself is that ... I often expect perfection of myself & if I know I am not going to be perfect ... I often don't start or try! It is an area I have grown in, but have I grown just enough to "band aid" it in my mind? As I have gone through these questions I realize that it is how I do things ... I do just enough to make myself FEEL good so that I do not have to make the tough changes!

When it comes to my physical health ... I take my supplements, after all they make me FEEL good! The reality of my disease is that I need to be physically active, I should be exercising ... but I don't! I don't make it a priority ... the sad part is that I have friends who have this same terrible disease who are loosing their abilities to walk, loosing their physical coordination or they just plain don't have the energy to get up & be active ... this could be me! Tomorrow I could wake up & not be able to get out of bed ... this is my reality! Yet day after day I make excuses as to why exercise doesn't fit into my life or my day! ... I justify it with all kinds of excuses!

It's interesting to look at all of these areas of my life & maybe for the first time admit to myself that this is a pattern of behavior ... I am not writing this to beat myself up ... but rather it is more of a moment, where for the first time, I see the pattern of how I am. Like something else I read again today ... "You have got to be where you are to get to where you are going. If you resist or deny where you are & who you are, it is hard to move on to where you want to be."

So for me it's really not about perfection or beating myself up for where I am at. It is about acknowledging where I am & where I want to be & then moving in that direction. It's about the journey ...